Ramblings by a Generic Female

May 22nd

5.22.06:::figured it out:::

I've figured it out

On my way to participated in another rousing UA Taste Test this morning, I was listening to Elton John's "Hercules" - it's a fun song and it put me in a GREAT mood.  I was ready to take on Monday.  Then I get to work and after an hour or so of sitting, I realize my mood is not as chipper as it was this morning.  I try to figure out what's different.  It's not that being at work has caused this - it was something else.  Then I realize how much the classical music is grating at me.  Don't get me wrong - I LOVE classical music... even more than the next person.  But there is only so long that a person can listen to the same wordless music, day after day after day, without finally letting it get to them.  The office I'm in plays the local NPR station all day and I think today is the day that I have realized I can no longer listen to it.  I'll start bringing my iPod docking station back to work with me. 

So maybe it's not anything that I wrote about yesterday getting me down - maybe it's the constant drone of flute solos and opera music.  I was a music major for 5 years and didn't get tired of the stuff... I sit at this desk for a few months and I'm ready to throw a hammer at the radio.  At least I'm on the road to recovery now that I've figure it out.  I'll just find some good internet radio to listen to until the iPod makes it back up to work.

5.21.06::: keeping up :::

my most recent post from "myspace" - since I never update this anymore - I thought I'd just add this for those who do read this... I will try my best to find my words again and post a bit more often (once a week is my goal) -

inadequate
Current mood: melancholy

*disclaimer:  "poor me" post ahead - read at your own risk

 I've been at such a loss for words in the past few months.  I used to blog on my personal website - www.ehwin.com - on a regular basis.  However, after graudation that regular basis became few and very far between.  I don't even think I've updated it this year.  The saddest part about it is that I pay for that domain name and problem will next time it begins to expire - it's my name - darnit - no one else can have it.

I just think I've lost things to talk about.  I could talk about the divas that come in to town that I have to practically wait on hand and food... I could talk about the crazy things that "up town" people in Fayetteville do (they really think they are big time, but those of us from large cities know different... I might comment on this one later on in the blog)... I could talk about the changes I see on a day to day basis - in myself - in my family - in the small/big town in which I live.  These are all things everyone else blogs about.  But I've lost interest.  I'd rather sit and watch a 30 minute show completely remodel a kitchen rather than be the creative person I used to be.  Where did I go.  Have I lost myself somewhere between Austin and Fayetteville? 

When I moved to Fayetteville 2 years ago (YES - it's been 2 years) I was going to work for a year and then head off to grad school.   BUT wonderful things have happened since then.  I met a wonderful man, found a job that gives me GREAT experience, and get to live near my family again.  However, since moving here, I feel that I've lost some part of my identity.  I've lost the spunk I used to have.  I haven't even worn my purple cons in months... months I tell you.  Where have I gone?

Everytime I see a show on tv about a larger city, I long to move there.  It doesn't matter what city it is (hell, Miami even looks good sometimes), I want to move there.  Where I live now has a wonderful mix of people - it's quite eclectic.  However, while all of those people run around me on a daily basis, I feel like I'm trapped in a phoney place.  I feel like people try to be so trendy, artsy, and "with the times" but they just don't get it.  Why can't you be yourself?  Why do you have to busy yourself on a daily basis, doing way too much than you have time to, just so you can get your picture in the "high society" magazine.  I feel like I'm having to do everything I can just to try and keep up - and I'm way on the tail end.  When did I start trying to keep up?  I did not used to have to do this.  I used to live in a world where no matter who you were - you fit in somewhere, and if you didn't fit in, then you were something great because you were out of the box and it was OH SO COOL to be out of the box.  I try to ignore that I'm trying to keep up and try to be myself... but then no one invites me to lunch, no one wants to chit chat with me in the hall, and no one would even call me the once in a blue moon that they do.  It's when I'm myself that I feel completely overlooked in this world of Fayetteville.  I just want to know when I'll quit being overlooked and start being the Erin who used to make an impression?

I know eventually I'll come back - I'll have more to talk about, to write about, to enjoy things about, but for now I'll just curl up with a wonderful man who does notice me (and loves me because I'm not that trendy, in all of the magazines, keeping up with the rest of them kind of girl), and watch those kitchen remodel shows and dream the life I'm starting with him which I know will someday lead us to an environment that is just begging for more Erin.

1.1.06:::The Cave:::

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My brother - the one who found the cave

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looking out at the river from the cave

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Rocky in the cave

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Erin... the spelunker!

My brother, David, found a cave the other day. We haven't seen this one in the past as the river is always high enough to keep us from climbing this far down the bluff at the farm. However, the river and lake have been VERY low this year and there are many things to be found.
Enjoy the pictures and happy new year!

12.29.05:::and I like ice cream sandwiches too:::

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as promised, pictures of the new place. See... tons of character (just like the old apartment)

Christmas recap:
-Spent a lovely time with both Rocky's fam and my fam.
-Hung out with my brother and newphew who came in from out of town
-Got the automatic coffee maker I wanted so very badly
-Got the Pie Cook Book I wanted so very badly
-Got the silicone baking set I wanted so very badly
*exit materialistic Erin*
Rocky and I didn't exchange gifts this year because all of our extra money was put into securing the rental of this hosue. I think it was worth it and by the pictures, I'm sure you can agree. I told my self time and time again that I didn't want to move into some boring apartment with no character. What my last place lacked in size it had in character. Thank goodness for this place. It has size AND character. I tried to get pictures of the inside to post, but that is hard to do. I can't get broad enough pictures to do it justice. You can just trust that it's awesome.
I have done much relaxing during my break from work. I've knitted, read, watched tv, watched movies, and cooked. To say that I've read is quite the change. I haven't really sat down to a good book in about a year. I've started to read THE RED TENT. So far it is quite good (Thanks to Barbara for recommending it almost 2 years ago). Any suggestions on what to read next?
I really don't feel very wordy tonight so I'll end this post here. Happy New Years!

12.12.05:::X-MAS minus 13 days:::

Since my last post, Rocky and I have found a house to move into.  Goodbye TINY apartment one block away from a frat boys drunk haven, Hello 2 story, 100+ year old rock house on the edge of town.  From the house you can see the stars, hear the quiet, enjoy the peace.  It is no way out in the country, but it's better than being RIGHT in town.  It has a kitchen I can cook in, doorways tall enough for Rocky, a fireplace, and a bathtub (my favorite part).  I'll hopefully get around to posting pictures soon, but as you can imagine, I've been busy settling into the new place.  I found the house on Nov. 26 and signed the lease Nov. 28.  We moved on Dec. 1st-2nd.  I ticked off my old landlord, but that is what they get for not fixing my bathroom after I asked time and time again. 
Thankfully we had all of our Christmas shopping done.  The house took up every last dime we had and will for the next couple of months until things settle down and bills even out.  It will be worth it though!
In other news, I'm really looking forward to Christmas.  I'm taking 3 days off work before Christmas and Walton Arts Center is closed the week after!  I haven't had this much time off since I was in school.  I'm going to catch up on sleep, baking, knitting, reading, sleeping... and perhaps more sleeping.  Thankfully I have a nice quiet house to partake in those activities. 
Well, I have to run.  From the end of the world...

11.17.05:::tastey carcinogens:::

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fall was just outside my door!

Supposedly microwave popcorn has the chemicals that break down and produce PFOA within your system (one of those carcinogen thingies). Yay - if my teflon pan doesn't kill me my microwave popcorn will. I mean, I could switch over to Jiffy Pop and attempt to burn down my apartment everytime I have a popcorn craving (I don't trust those things), but they are expensive. Oh, you say I could just cook the popcorn in a pan on my stove? Yes, I could, but that takes away from the fun of standing in front of the microwave watching the popcorn bag expand and getting a nice radiation tan. I suppose I don't worry too much about this stuff... maybe I should. Maybe one day I'll be knocking on the gates of heaven wishing "damn (probably wouldn't say that in heaven) I should have cooked in stainless and I shouldn't have eaten the cardboard flavored microwave popcorn". Ah, when will we ever learn?
Since my last post, fall has come and gone. Fall is my 2nd most favorite time of the year - but it leads into my favorite, so I suppose I could combine the two. I have some lovely pictures to post so you people in Austin who still read this can see what a pretty fall we have here in Arkansas.
Well, I'll be a quarter of a century old on Nov. 27th... plan accordingly.
And that is all I have for now...

10.11.05:::excited about the small things:::

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deep in thought

I will be saying good bye to an old friend (however, not a great friend) tonight. I'm getting rid of the crappy, small, inadaquate fridge that occupies the corner of my kitchen. The removal of that will make room for a nice, new, shiney model. Home Depot had the EXACT fridge I wanted on clearance. I went out on a limb, asked Providence if we could get it (told them the old one was crap) and they wrote me a check for the full amount including tax on the spot. They didn't even come check the old one. Talk about TRUST. Rocky and I are very excited. We'll be able to have ice cream on this one, coke cans in the door (it's got a fancy coke can dispencer), AND we'll not have to let all of the cold air out of the fridge to open the freezer because *drum roll* it has two separate doors! Amazing amazing amazing. Rocky and his friend are picking the new guy up tonight so I'm very happy. You can send notes of congrats accordingly.
My nephew had his 1st birthday party this weekend at Wilson Park. The weather was great, the cupcakes tasty, and he was cute as usual. He had one friend from his new day care come to the party. I'm sure neither one will remember it, but all of the family members will. We spoiled him appropriately with gifts and treats. It was a good time had by all.
I think that is all I've come to say today. Until next time...

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Griffin and Thomas play us a tune (Griffin is on the left)

10.08.05:::it seem like one of those days:::

I could easily go hide and not come out today. I was really looking forward to this weekend. The UT/OU football game is at noon, I don't have to be at work, Rocky doesn't have homework so I was looking forward to spending quality time with him. However, and maybe I'm reading into things, but it doesn't seem like it is going to be that great afterall. The mood in the apartment just isn't there. *sigh* Hopefully it will get better as the day wears on.
I went to the doctor bright and early this morning. And it looks like I'll have to go back next week. My back still isn't feeling well (which made me wish I lied and said it did) so I have to take even MORE medicine and return to them again on Saturday. These Saturday appointments are not ideal. All I want to do on Saturday is sleep in, make breakfast, watch something on tv if it interests me or shop if nothing is on tv (or window shop as of lately as my pay does not provide enough to get a goody everynow and then). I would really prefer the doctor say "hey, this is what is wrong with you" end of story. But no, they just keep giving me anti-inflamitory pills and a "see you next week". Ah, workmans comp - isn't it grand?
Well, I'm going to go find my hiding place for the day now.
I'm out.

10.05.05:::to plunge:::

1. To thrust or throw forcefully into a substance or place: “Plunge the lobsters, head first, into a large pot of rapidly boiling salted water” (Craig Claiborne).
2. To cast suddenly, violently, or deeply into a given state or situation: “The street was plunged in cool shadow” (Richard Wright).
V. The act of plunging

I really like the plunging of the lobsters, head first, into a boiling pot of water. Isn't that sweet and cozy? I just spent the last 15 minutes plunging a toilet that had NOTHING wrong with it other than it didn't want to flush right. Nothing was clogging it - I'd pull the handle, it would fill way up with water, then it was kind of drain. GRRRR - it does this every now and then - you just have to flush it about 20 times until it decides to go back to normal. But everytime it does this, I plunge and plunge thinking that eventually the plunger will do something. Gotta love the perks of an old apartment with a very out of date restroom.
Tonight has been hum drum. No one seems to be in a good mood. Hopefully things perk up around here. Home is supposed to be a place of peace and refuge, not a place that I want to refuge from. Can refuge be an action verb? If not then it is now. I understand things get stressful (if anyone can understand that, I can) but I also know that bring it home does help. I do that sometimes and it doesn't make for a pleasant evening. Rocky has a TON going on right now - work full time - school full time - driving to and from school (should be a class in itself). He comes home to a dinner I've made for him, which he seems to appreciate, but then he gets tenser and tenser as the night goes on. I don't know what to say or what to do. Being female, I want to make it better. I'm sure there has to be something I can do. When I can't do it or can't find it, I feel that I've failed. Am I the only one that ever feels this way? I certainly hope not. There is really nothing I can do in this situation except sit here and browse the web, update my website, check my email, seem preoccupide I suppose. *sigh* I hate it when people I love aren't having a good evening.
Well, tomorrow is supposed to be nice and a high of 62! Woohoo. I love it. People just look better in cool weather (according to Rocky and it makes alot of sense). No sweating, no humid hair syndrome, more clothes to cover some UGLY bodies (ugly bodies always seem to walk by my window at work - eek).
I think that is just about it. Bon nuit.

10.04.05:::if I didn't hate motorcycles before:::

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me, surviving BB&BBQ waiting on a drink at Bourbon Boys

Bikes Blues and BBQ came to Fayetteville... trashed the place... and left. An estimated 250,000 people were to attend the festival this year, but I think it might have been more... much more. It's great for two things - people watching and revenue. Other than that, I could do without. That is about that. I wasn't overly excited or involved with it so I don't have too much to say on that topic.
Today is probably the last nasty humid/warm day of the year. I am completely ready for fall to set in. We had a bit of a taste for it last Thursday and Friday, however, that was quickly replaced with nasty humid, warm air. I'm ready for orange and red leaves, for meals made from squash, pumpkin carving, pumpking seed roasting, fall camping, sweaters, my 25th birthday... everything. Rocky and I bought a little ghosty to put on the front door. He says "boo" - well, he doesn't physically say "boo"... boo is actually painted next to him, but he's cute none-the-less. I've also thrown away most of my veggie plants. I kept one tomato plant because it has a TON of green tomatos that will be ripe soon (and if not ripe then I'll turn them into salsa). I also kept my basil to bring in for the rest of the fall. Other than that, my garden is cleaned out.
In other news, I'm still waiting on the job from the UofA. They hopefully (if everything goes right) will start interviews next week - keep 'em crossed. I WANT THAT INTERVIEW, but most importantly I WANT THAT JOB!
And now, some pictures...

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Rocky, doing the same as I was - surviving BB&BBQ

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too many bikers on Dickson

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creepy air men on Dickson

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a bit of culture on Dickson

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one of many cool bikes to look at

9.20.05:::beans:::

I've become pretty good at cooking beans lately. Rocky's friends get beans for free but don't like them - so they pass them along to me. Pinto, split pea, black beans... I've become the queen of soup. Tonight was a Cuban Black Bean soup. The recipe WAY underestimated the amount of time the beans needed to cook. Basically, simmer for about 45 minutes, add a bunch of stuff and simmer for 45 more. WRONG. Try simmer for 45, add a bunch of stuff, and simmer for 2 hours. Needless to say, dinner was much later than I had anticipated tonight and I'll leave the black beans for a weekend. They were quite tasty when all was said and done, however. The best thing about beans, you have TONS of leftovers for lunches during the week. Any tasty ideas for pinto beans other than the obvious cooking with onions and ham? I have a great curry split pea soup recipe and of course the Cuban black bean soup I mentioned earlier, but the pintos were kind of boring.
Last night Rocky bought a 24 inch tv and I bought an interview suit. Priorities priorities :) Hopefully the suit can be considered an investment. If I don't get an interview with the Walton College of Business, I'll apply for other positions and hopefully I'll get to try out the effectiveness of a classy, eggplant colored, pant-suit. I'm sure it will be quite effective.
Nightnight.

9.14.05:::thingamajigsaw puzzled:::

Have you ever pulled out the album booklet from your CD (or album have you) and realized that your most favorite song on an album is really just a bunch of jiberish? No? Well... maybe it's just me.
Anyways - earlier this month I sent off my application for Special Events and Alumni Society Coordinator for the Walton College of Business at the University of Arkansas. I think it sounds fun/challenging/more chances to move up/etc. I feel like I might be stuck in the same place for quite some time if I stay at Walton Arts Center. There is no room to move up (as I found out with my miniscule raise). I still enjoy my job for the most part - but lately I've been quite frustrated. I'm not feeling like anything I'm doing is the right thing. I keep getting questioned/called out on things (most of them things I didn't do nor did I have control over). I had found the job at the University just when I was ready to start looking seriously - and the job description was me to the "t". The job posting does not close until the end of September, so hopefully after then I'll get an interview. If not - I'll start looking for something else. BUT only if it's good for me. I don't want to move on for no reason because working at Walton Arts Center is great on the resume.
That is really all that has been on my mind lately. Work has really been bothering me when I get home and I just sit and think about it - about certain situations that irk me and such... just ready for a change.
Oh - I get to go see Blast! this weekend! I'm going to totally geek out. DCI on stage! I'm doing a marching band dance just thinking about it. While I did not miss UTA ONE BIT, I did miss that style of marching band. LHB was awesome and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but there was some level of intensity that I missed from UTA. So - I shall continue watching DCI and things like Blast! to get my fill.
Speaking of band, I am not able to attend the Alumni Band game this year. There are a few reasons for that - no money, no time, did I mention no money? That is why I need this job - so I can make enough money and get more vacation days to go to Austin with. Cross your finers for me please :)
Now for my plug - drink Coca-Cola Zero please. It tastes 100 times better than diet and I'd hate to see it dissapeare because no one drank it. So, drink up my friends.
-BUHBYE-

8.23.05:::hanging by a moment:::

I had no idea that it had been well over a month since my last post. Egads! I apologize to those who keep up with my site.
Okay - since July 12th I've done the following:
Go to Dallas/Austin for a few days. There I went shopping (it is the ONLY thing to do in Dallas I've decided), went to 6th Street (twice - more times than I went my entire last year of college), went to a wedding, fell in love with Austin for the 400th time, swam in my dad's swanky pool (he even has a slide), and bought a new watch at the Fossil Outlet in Hillsboro. It was Rocky's 2nd trip to Austin and he has fallen in love with it. Now, to find the opportunity to go back there. Grad school in a couple of years perhaps?
We have also attempted to go camping once more before classes started for Rocky - but that was a bust. We got out there on a Friday, the swimming hole was closed, they were reinforcing the side of the river (so there were tractors and other heavy, noisy machinery to contend with) and I was sick as a dog. We left EARLY on Saturday morning and spent the weekend resting. Found out the following Monday that I had a sinus/ear infection. Typical, summer colds/sickness seem to be my specialty. I'm better now though - but camping might be out of the question until October or so. We want to get out to Redding when the trees are changing colors. Now that is something I absolutely am looking forward to.
The season starts at work this week. Tonight is the Mayor's Concert/Fayetteville Arts Festival Kick Off, tomorrow is Lifehouse, Thursday is Astral Project (two shows), Friday, is Amos Lee, and Saturday is Big Smith (two shows). I'm tired just thinking about it. Once I get tomorrow behind me, it should be okay. Lifehouse is the big one with TONS of catering needs. They seem very nice and I have to say, I'm looking forward to meting them. I like their music and it's always fun to get to meet "the band". On Saturday evening, however, you'll find me sitting in front of the tv not doing a single, darned, thing. I might not even fight for the remote that night - I'll just watch whatever Rocky sees fit.
I've been doing a bit of thinking about my future and grabbing the reins on it. I do like working for an arts center, however, I don't like doing clerical functions for other people. I don't like sitting at a desk for 8 hours, and I don't like doing the same thing everyday. I miss the education environment. I miss learning, teacher, being around college students who are learning and teaching. I've started to look into graduate programs again. When I moved up here I had every good intention on working for a year and heading up to Toronto to get my MA in Music History. That came to a halt when I got the job at Walton Arts Center. I thought I'd be able to do really well there and start my career early - I've done well, and yes, I've started a career early - but I don't think it's what I want to do until I retire. Really, who knows what that is, but I know it's not this. I'd love to be a professor of Ethnomusicology - I'd love to be a Music Therapist (even though I decided against that some time ago) I'd just love to go back to school. So, I plan on doing that. Rocky and I had originally thought I'd go back when he finished, but that puts me at 30, and I want to go back before that. So, discussions are in the works and we'll see how the next year pans out at work.
That was a mouthfull! I think I've done all of the update I can possibly do. Hopefully my next post will have a picture to send you off with.
Until then...

7.12.05:::Cancel your subscription to Comedy Central:::

Rocky and I went camping this past weekend at Redding (same place as the last two times).  All was perfect when we arrived on Friday afternoon.  The park was relatively empty, the temperature not too hot, the river empty, and our campsite of choice available!!!  We had camp completely set up by 4:30 and were ready for a jump in the river.  After sitting in the Mulberry for a while we came back to get ready for dinner. 

It all began with a single Saab.  Not a nice, new, shiny Saab – but an old, not shiny, dented, hatchback Saab with a “Bush 04” sticker on the back.  The driver of the car man – very tan, long hair, late 30s, alone.  Rocky and I were concerned with the alone factor.  Never know what weirdos go camping alone (no offense to anyone who does).  He drove around 3 times until finally picking a spot just a couple sites down from us.  “GREAT” we thought “all of these empty sites and he picks one near us”.  But it wasn’t the end of the world, in fact, when his wife and two kids showed up, we were relieved.  It surely would be fine.  WRONG.  About 9:30 at night, the rest of the brood arrived.  Big trucks, even larger tents, and completely, COMPLETELY red neck.  It really couldn’t get any worse.  10PM is when the quiet hours are supposed to begin, but people like this don’t read rules, and if they did, they certainly wouldn’t adhere to them.  The music blared, the tent spikes were hammered, and the extremely loud and unintelligible conversation continued into the night. 

Day 2:  They woke up early, they were loud, they drove their trucks around and finally, they went to the river.  Ah, peace and quiet for the time being.  We waited around until they had come back for a snack and then we hit up the river.  It wasn’t 45 minutes, though, until the decided to get back in.  As we arrived back at the site, the menfolk associated with our new neighbors decided to introduce themselves and invite us for dinner, comedy (they even told us to cancel our subscription to Comedy Central because we don’t need it!), and to get “lit” up.  And by lit they “mean we have a bunch of lighters and lighter fluid”.  Riiight.  We politely declined which then led to a “maybe” – they wouldn’t take no for an answer.  However, we spent the rest of the evening away from them enjoying our own sausages, comedy, and campfire.

Goodness – what a weekend!

In other news – my little Honda has been acting up.  The blinker was being wonky and a wire under my dashboard came unplugged.  I took it to Honda Pro (why not?  They specialize in Honda’s).  And they fixed it – yay for that.  The blinker filaments or whatever they are called were loose.  So they replaced it (even though it wasn’t out – it was just weak and the connection was bad).  And they plugged in the wire that I’ve decided does nothing for the car (since nothing changed when it came unplugged).  They’ve also created a LONG list of things that need to be done soon since my car is at 100,000 miles!  I suppose I’ll get things worked on bit by bit as I get paid and as the money flows in *cough*

Well... time to get out of here and enjoy my evening.  Later.

6.22.05:::super slacker mode:::

It's official, I am the queen of lazy. I haven't wanted to do anything productive lately (not even update this site with pictures from my trip to the East Coast). I don't know if it's the heat that is doing it or what. I have two window units in my apartment - both of which freeze up if used for any significant amount of time. This makes this 2nd story apartment QUITE warm like until the sun goes down at night (and even then it's still uncomfortable). However, this apartment is SO worth it. I still love it. For those of you Texans that haven't come up to visit me and experience all that is my cute little place - SHAME ON YOU! You know who you are.
Tomorrow is my 1 year review at work. I cannot believe I've been there 1 week shy of a year. GOOD LORD. It seems like just yesterday when Elizabeth called to offer me the job (and I even remember what I was doing right when she called). Hopefully I'll get the max raise (or more!). I could use a bit of extra moola to buy a bassoon with (or be responsible and put towards retirement).
Everything is going swimmingly with Rocky and I. I will officially anounce that he has moved in. It was rediculous that he spend all of his time at my place, but pay rent and bills at another. We solved that. He doesn't take up too much space and doesn't mind that I have a muave (did I spell that right?) canopy over my bed. What a great guy to put up with that!
I found that my neice has a blog today. It's quite weird to read what she has to say in a social (non-family) setting. I was tempted to copy and paste to my sister (her mom) but I resisted :) I didn't even have a computer until I was 15 - let along a blog when I was 13! My how the times have changed.
Well, time to go get the grill going (if I can convince Rocky that our chicken will taste MUCH better grilled).
Toodles.

6.2.05:::Whirlwind Tour:::

and now for a tour of pictures just about as fast as my tour through New York City was this past Sunday...

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Brooklyn Bridge as seen out of the back, passenger's side window of a 1990something VW Golf

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Some cabby in Times Square - probably my favorite part of the 1 day trip to Manhattan

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And it's nice to know that even when you're many states away from home, you can still bank at your bank... even on Times Square (this has to be one of my favorite pics - taken by my sweet boy)

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And now for a sweet moment outside of the Philadelphia Art Museum (or is it Museum of Art?) - not NYC, but it's a cute picture

*** I promise to give a play by play of the trip and get some more pictures up over the weekend - but for now I'm tired!

4.29.05:::flying out:::

I'll be in the Dallas area for the weekend.  I'm flying down there late this evening and coming back early on Sunday.  Not much of a trip, but at least I'll be able to see my dad.  I won't have time to see my friends there - but such is life.  Unfortunately, with the nature of my job, I can't just leave for the weekend.  Most people will have to come here if they want to visit.  Alot of shows we have might be on Friday night and it's hard to make a trip in just two days.  Once we get the new Hospitality Assistant lined up, I'll be able to have more nights and weekends to myself. 
I have to vent for a small bit.  Today is Rocky and my 6 month anniversary of our first date.  I was kind of hoping all week that Rocky would surprise me with wanting to do lunch today or something since I'm going out of down right after work.  When he didn't say anything by this morning, I asked if he had lunch plans because it would be nice to spend a bit more time with him today.  The only way he'd be able to do something with me is if he waits until 12:45 (I'll be starved by then) when his friend gets back and then request that his lunch with the same person he has lunch with every weekday be postponed.  I'm sorry, but it's not that big of a deal to me.  I'm glad I don't have friends that are that needy.   More than anything, I'm dissapointed and a bit sad about it.  Rocky said he could take me out for a nice dinner later next week, but that isn't what I want.  I dont' want a nice dinner or even a nice lunch - I just wanted to see him a bit more today than I'll get to.  Oh well - can't have everything (I think I say that a lot on here).
I've acquired a new title here at work.  I am no longer Program Coordinator, but instead I'm Assitant Producer.  I kind of like that title.  It sounds quite important.  Hopefully I'll get some kind of raise with the new title.  We'll see - so cross your fingers for me. 
I'm getting a bit stir crazy.  I want to go out on another picnic or something but the rain and COLD weekends have made it hard.  Last weekend was way too cold to do anything outside other than grill the food and run back inside.  And during the week it just rains and rains.  Hopefully it will clear up soon so I can take that blanket I keep in my trunk to the park and enjoy the sun on my face (with sunscreen of course!).
Well - back to work I go.
 

4.13.05:::Spring is here:::

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You would think I'd have tons of things to report on this post since it's been almost a month since the last one, but I don't. It's not that anything major has been going on, it's just that life has been good lately - no curve balls to bitch about, no trials to complain over, and nothing spectacular to rave about. Just good. Work is good, personal life is good, Schmoo is well... Schmoo (although she ate her yarn ball and is now throwing everytime I look at her wrong - hopefully that will solve itself).
I have been working on my patio/container garden lately. So far I've planted basil, cilantro, chives, dill, grape tomatos, larger tomatos, eggplant, flowers, jalepeno, catnip, oregano, and clover. Yes, it might sound like a TON of stuff, but it's really not too bad. Soon I'll transplant some mint from my mom's place and have that for some tea and mojitos. There is something extremely theraputic about growing things. And things are certainly growing around here. The spring is absolutely breathtaking in this part of the country. The trees bloom (something we didn't have in Austin) and the Dogwoods are my favorite. I've taken to stealing small twigs off of the tree in the yard next to me (hey, the house is empty, there is no one there to enjoy it - I even took the tulips also). With the onset of warmer days also comes Farmer's Market. My sweetie and I went last week and walked, bought green onions, bought fresh bread, and some coffee. We sat in the sun and just watched everyone walk by. It was quite the lovely Saturday morning. Actually, this entire last weekend was lovely. I even have the sunburn to prove it!
This past Monday I went to see David Sedaris at Walton Arts Center with my sweetie. I think I'll have to buy a book of his. I spent the entire hour and a half laughing! I've been missing out. This Saturday we're going to 42nd St. I've never seen it and we have GREAT seats so I'm quite excited about that excursion.
Other things I want to see (unfortunately, they aren't at Walton Arts Center) are BNL and DMB in NYC (how is that for acronyms?) in late July. We'll see how that plays out. DMB will also be in Selma, TX (close to San Antonio) on Sept. 2nd I believe... so maybe I'll catch them there, it just wont' be with BNL opening for them. What a concert that would be! Two of my faves in one venue... in NYC for that matter!
I entered a contest today to win some new shoes. All I had to do was send a picture of my ugliest shoes. Hopefully I'll win. I could use some new, FREE, shoes. I need something frivilous, but refuse to pay for something frivilous.
Well, I need to go get dinner started - can't put that off all night.

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The castle at Wilson Park

3.17.05:::green with:::

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Many things - today I was green with my cardigan, necklace, and earrings. No pinching for me. However, if someone had pinched me (even if I wasn't wearing green) I think I would have decked them. I usually prefer to spend this holiday at Bennigans, HOWEVER, we don't have a Bennigans here in NW Arkansas and the closest thing would be O'Charleys - and I wasn't impressed with that place. To Thai food it is :) I think that works. I'll get Green Curry in honor of this day o' green.

Life has been quite good as of late. No, I haven't run into more money... no I haven't been on a nice vacation, and no, my cat hasn't mysteriously turned nice. But life has been good. I've been overhauling my front porch (which is everyone else back porch, but since it's the porch with the door I go in, It's front for me). I've put flowers out, bought a table, found a grill to clean up, and hung porch like things (bird feeder, mobile, etc). I cannot wait for the weather to be nice for more than two days at a time so I can go sit on it and enjoy the lovely part of the country I live in.

I had all 4 wisdom teeth removed a couple of weeks ago (two weeks tomorrow). I suppose that is a major event in my life. My poor mouth was traumatised and my cheeks bruised, but I've recovered... almost. I'm still staying away from carbonated drinks in the mean time - however, drinking all of this juice and milk has led to the consumption of more calories than normal which isn't helping my weightloss. Blah. I'll get over it I suppose.

Well, off to enjoy my evening.

2.23.05:::c'est mon automobile:::

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As of today, I am the one and only owner of my 1997 Honda Civic EX. I paid it off last night and the payment was posted this morning! Woohoo. This really is a great thing. If you've never bought your own car - then shame on you - and if you have then you know the feeling! Paying off the car brings on many new possibilities - like... paying off other debts. But hey, at least I won't have to worry about that car anymore!
On other news - I go to the oral surgeon tomorrow to have a consultation. I want to get my wisdom teeth OUT. Not that I need to, but it's hard to brush back there and I don't want to deal with peridontal desease if I can't brush back there. SO, out they will come. I don't know when that will happen yet, but hopefully soon. I'll take a couple of days off work, be waited on, eat some pudding, sleep, doesn't sound tooooo bad. I can handle it. I'm a pro with the surgeries.
Thats about all I have. Bon nuit.

2.9.05:::la cuisine:::

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Orange cabinets now occupy my very small kitchen. I got tired of looking at dirty, white, pantry doors and out came the burnt orange paint. I don't know if I like it yet or not... it needs another coat before I can decide that. I will pait it with some light blue fabric to act as makeshift cabinet covers. Sounds obnoxious - but I think it will be nice. And hey, it's not like this is the end all, be all of kitchens. If it's crap, I'll eventually redo it. It's that simple.
I haven't done much knitting lately. Not that I've tired of it already, I just haven't had time. This past weekend I went to Austin to see Barbara, eat Cuban food, and buy cheap wine (I think wine there is MUCH cheaper than up here and I can't figure out why). Rocky accompanied me because he has never been and his birthday was yesterday - so it doubled as a birthday trip. We had a great time. We stayed with Barbara and spend Saturday doing Austin type things (Mt. Bonnell, Austin campus, the Co-op, etc). That night we went to Pappasitos for some fajitas and fried ice cream (and a birthday sombrero!). Sunday was spent doing about the same, Arboretum Cows, Amy's Ice Cream, Kerbey Lane, some shopping at Central Market, and just hanging out , having a good time. It was nice to get back home however. Being in Austin just makes me miss it more. Honestly, now would not be a good time in my life to reside there. I would want to hve more money than I do to have the life there I want. So, Fayetteville AR it is for a while.
Last night was Rocky's bday - we cooked yummy Italian food (Tortillini with homemade red sauce, steamed artichoke with garlic/herb butter, pesto stuffed mushrooms, and homemade breadsticks). Dinner was followed by a cake from Rick's Bakery (yeah, I'm lazy and didn't make it - sue me). He said he had a great evening and I can only hope he wasn't lying.
Well - that was the eventful part of the past week. This weekend is the Chocolate Lovers Festival - to go or not to go, that is the dieters question. I don't want to miss out on some yummy chocolate, and it is, after all, almost Valentine's Day! I think that constitutes going to the chocolate festival. Any thoughts on that?
Stephanie and I want to go on a vacation - any ideas? Miami? Philly? NYC? New Orleans? LA? A girls only trip AWAY from everyday life. I think that sounds appropriate.

Ciao.

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The best part about Austin? The beautiful pink car... er, sunset!

1.31.05:::final deductions:::

So - I couldn't leave well enough alone. I had to redo my taxes tonight and include tuition and moving expenses. WOW!! That just about doubled my refund. Thankfully I did that before sending them in the mail. I cannot wait for that check to get here. I think I shall pay off some medical bills with it - or my car - or something. How nice it will be to get rid of some of these bills! *does happy dance*
If you've seen "Garden State" then you know what my happy dance looks like - that thing Natalie Portman does in her bedroom - the thing that no one else has ever done - it's a bit like that. Dorky? Yes. Happy? Most certainly!
Now that my mom and grandma's ebay thing is all wrapped up (or hopefully just the first installment - it would be nice if they dug up some more stuff) I'm on the prowl for some more easy income. It might by my knitting, it might be taking some clothes to cheap thrills, it might be making some beaded wine glasses - it might be any number of things, but I need to come up with something fast. I need to get my February Extra Money under wraps. I think I'll go with selling some clothes. I have too many, I've always had too many, and it's time to downsize that closet of mine.
So - off I go to sort through some clothes.

Nightynight.

1.30.05:::it's rather taxing:::

Before I really dive into the topic of this post - I must say that Aveda Peppermint tea might be my favorite hot drink in the world! I probably think this everytime I make it, but it's always true. I'd make it more often, but I have to use a tea ball to do so, and that gets a bit work at 8AM in the morning when I'm running out the door. So, I must say that it has turned into my evening "calm-me-down". Some people have night caps, I have Aveda tea! Call me square.
So, back to the taxing topic. I finished all of my taxes tonight. For those who follow my life outside of the computer screen, you know that I filed too early (oops). I had kind of forgotten about my 1 month stint at the UofArkansas. Soooo... I had to file a 1040x (the ammend your tax return form). It was NOT as easy as my original 1040EZ. Not that it was hard, but it wasn't as line by line as the EZ. It's more of a "line 41 (yes, there are that many lines on it) - see instructions on page 9 to blah blah blah". So - there was a lot of calculating and writing and erasing and whatnot involved with the 1040X. My advise to you is to not get your britches in a hurry and hold you horses until ALL appropriate W-2s and Form 1099s etc etc have made their way to your mail box.
I also filled out my very first state income tax form - and I have to say, Arkansas will be sending me 1/2 of what I've paid them. Seems like they would enjoy not taking so much out in the first place and therefore not having to cut a check come tax time - but whatev, I'm not mr. Arkansas Government. Seems like I pay a TON of taxes in this state (higher sales tax, a soft drink tax at Sam's, property tax on a car I bought elsewhere, state income tax). You would think with all of those taxes that the state would not be so low on the poor state totem pole.
List of what I plan to spend tax refunds on:
1. New tires for my car (it badly needs some)
2. Tune up on my car (it BADLY needs one)
3. Pay off my car/Medical bills (I'm still debating which I'll do first)

Do you notice a car trend here? I think you might have. If not, I worry for you.

So, my mom, Rocky, and I went to look at Icelandic Sheep today - http://www.icelandicsheep.com/ - they really are quite lovely and just think of all the WONDERFUL wool yarn that could come from a few of those beauties! My mom is seriously considering raising these little cuties. I think she'd be great at it. She's tired of the desk job and these guys bring in money once you've paid off your initial investment. I think she should get some hens too - something about fresh eggs and such that was really exciting about this farm we visited.

I'm really looking forward to next weekend. Rocky and I will be making the 9 hour trek to Austin. He's never been and Barbara has been wanting Pappasitos (and I have admit, so have I) so what better excuse to drive to Austin than that? YES - food, music, 6th street, and home sweet home. We'll leave on Friday and drive back on Monday... fun times. Hopefully I'll have pictures to post from that.

enough of this rambling - back to my tea and back to my knitting (see below for pictures of my projects)

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1.29.05:::much much better:::

I'm so glad that things you wouldn't normally think as good end up be fantastic. For example - changes of plans; cancelled plans; forgotten plans; noticing a trend? Things like that REALLLLLY help easy my mind when it comes around to it. So - thank you.
Unfortunately - other things are still quite heavy on the brain, but what can you do?
Jason Kellison is in town, I think I'll be hanging out with him some. He's my big brother in Kappa Kappa Psi and thankfully has some friends up here and therefore has more than one reason to visit. So yay for old friends.
I'm outta here.

1.19.05:::ebay:::

I spent the bulk of last night getting a TON of stuff up for auction on Ebay for my mom.
You should go look at it because I spent alot of time on it and uhhh... because I get 30% of the winnings and money is always good :)
That is all I have today.

1.14.05:::weighty issues:::

I have tons of stuff on my mind lately. A few months ago I thought I knew what I didn't want - however, now I'm not so sure that I didn't want that. Why can't there ever be a happy medium somewhere? It has been making me sick to my stomach to think about, I've lost sleep over hashing and rehashing what is in my head, I've wanted to sit ALONE in my apartment under my blanket doing nothing but watch stupid girl movies (Saved for example). I really hate being a girl sometimes. Do guys ever have to deal with crap like this? Doubting everything they do... everything they've done? Sometimes I wish I could rewind and restep the way I did things - rewind 3 months, 8 months, even more if need be. I just need a big sobby cry, but I have no one to be big and sobby with. I miss my friends again. I talked to Sara the other day and I wanted nothing more then to be able to just sit down and cry and get everything out - how much I've missed people, things, places, and once again, people... when do you stop missing those things? Do they fade away? Do you want them to fade away?
Dammit - I'm crying now. I hate crying alone.
When I'm at work I'm fine... I laugh, I smile, I tell stories... I'm fine. But I get home, look around and start to feel it again. I just feel lonely, empty, out of place. I wish I didn't. I pray that I'll find me niche, my group of friends, my comfort zone. However, so far I've yet to run across it. Natasha asked me today if I was a member of a professional organization or have I considered it. I told her no I wasn't and yes I have considered it. Small problem here in NW Arkansas - professional organizations for what I do are very few and VERY far between. I could have gone to my moms to not be alone tonight - but instead I opted for the chick flicks and a horribly bad for me pizza. It was strangely theraputic. And speaking of being alone, I don't know anymore if I spend time with people because I want to or because it's comforting having someone there. How do you know when it's crossed that line? I hope all of this is making some sort of sense - I don't know if I've followed any navigatable train of thought. Ugh. Enough of these issues.
Positive things - I get to go see The Full Monty tomorrow night (once again, gotta love those job perks)
It is the weekend - hooray for sleeping in.
I did my taxes this week and will be getting a nice chunk back from good old Uncle Sam (thanks to him)

Well - back to my movies (Little Black Book is next).
Until next time....

one more small update - why do some people totally suck? And since when would you automatically think a 24 year old who JUST moved from Austin and love the arts is NOT a liberal democrat? Check your demographics.
I really hate it when people make you feel like crap for something you "believe" in.

1.13.05:::being a rich kid:::

must be rough. Most of the ones I've known well enough to get the inside scoop have a slew of problems that I never would have even considered in my life. Not problems brought on by other people, but personal issues that really could have been avoided. I was talking to a friend last night and it dawned on me how lucky I was to grow up middle class American. THANK GOD for that!
So - big news in the world of Erin going back on Weight Watchers - I lost 4 lbs. this week! Woot. I'm considering this a HUGE accomplishment since I didn't want to diet this week and did my very best to stick with it (although I was weak weak weak at Long John Silvers and had two peices of fish instead of the one I swore I would stick to). So a pat on the back for me.
Well, I just totally lost interest in writing in this - so I'm going to go watch tv.

1.11.05:::Schmoo says "meow":::

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Schmoo (my cat for those who don't follow) has recently discovered there is life outside my front door. She has ventured out (now brace yourselves) to my landing! *insert triumphant cat does something brave noise here*
However, I almost wish I hadn't let her go exploring because now all she does it sit at my door and meow her "please let me out it's horrible in this apartment" meow. Maybe eventually she'll forget she ever was out there.
Well, I have to say that this weekend was so much fun! Saturday was spent shopping with Rocky for clothes to wear on Saturday night to the Michael Buble concert at Walton Arts Center. I have to say, I looked quite good. Even Lauren, Natasha, and Elizabeth said so! After the concert we all went out for a run of Gypsy, On The Rocks, and the a nightcap at Common Grounds (and by night cap I mean pizza sticks and a bloody mary). It was a great night and my shoes were killing my feet by the time I got home which means it was alllll worth it. It's fun to shmooze.
Other than that, I don't believe I have too much to report on. Work is work, life is life, and the W-2 forms are rolling in. Hopefully I'll have a nice tax return this year!
Well, off to bed.

1.3.05:::where's my winter:::

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So the frigid temperatures that plagued the area are long gone and have been replaced with highs up to 70. Okay... I'm all for highs of 70 but not in January (I'd prefer them in the spring or fall). I'm ready to wear my sweaters again and I'm hoping the winter weather finds its way in.
I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Don't really know why. Might be missing my friends, lacking some friends, feeling a bit torn in all directions, bored, too busy, overwhelmed... who knows. I'm just not feeling chipper. I should be feeling chipper, but alas, 'tis not my time for that I suppose. I'm always second guessing things... that could be part of this. I'm also always thinking back on things... wondering if I did the right thing. Wondering if things could have been worked out, resolved, fixed, improved, anything... too much thinking for one girl. I believe that if I had cable this would solve some of this. Nothing like mindles television to occupy my time.
Speaking of occupying time, I make a collage yesterday. Someone gave me this Texas shaped basket. An oddity, but it came in handy. I put a bunch of pictures from my time at UT in it and it turned out quite fun. So... yay for random craft projects on Sunday afternoons.
I believe I've run out of things to say, so I think I shall end this here. Good evening.

12.27.04:::words:::

Words cannot describe the pain that the world feels when tragedies happen on such a large scale.  My heart goes out to the people of India, Sri Lanka, Thailand, and the other surrounding areas that were effected by the earthquake and tsunamis that has killed over 20,000 people.  Sometimes I wonder how things like that can happen.  What message is that supposed to send?  Here we are in the US arguing over whether sending troops to the Middle East was ever a good idea, and yet thousands of innocent peoples lives were ripped apart over the weekend.  They weren't ripped apart by lies, deception, or hate... but by a force of nature.  No ones mistakes did this, no ones sins or wrong doings, just nature.  No blame to be placed anywhere.  Who does one get angry at in this situation?  It just makes me sad and it makes my Christmas weekend seem pointless. 
However, I do hope that everyone had a good Christmas with family, with friends, or even those who spent it alone.  Christmas has been good, but I've also had the sad moments.  I just can't seem to shake memories past... and even though I don't want to lose those memories, it would be nice for them to tuck themselves away in storage and I can look at them when I chose, not when they chose.  I suppose that is what Christmas does though.
I also hope that everyone makes some great plans for New Years eve.  Who knows what I'll be doing... First Night? Sitting and watching movies?  I do know what I'll be doing the next morning... 10AM - Rose Parade.  Hook 'em!
 
My brother has been taking practice LSAT tests and doing quite well.  Once again, this makes me quite interested in law school.  I went through this a few years ago.  I then chicken out and discontinued any further searches about law school.  However, I have printed a practice LSAT off of www.lsat.org  Here's my problem though.  What if I take a few practice tests and do quite well?  Might be easy enough for you, but I would be torn.  Would I look into law school?  Or just be happy that I have good reasoning skills?  However, what if I do horribly?  I'd feel quite bad about myself then.  Heh - might as well just take 'em and see what happens.  It's only 3 hours of my life for a practice test... and then another 3 if I chose to take another one.  Doesn't hurt to try.

12.22.04::::Let it snow...:::

It's currently brewing a winter wonderland outside.  I LOVE living here in the winter!  I shall post pictures later today.

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some snow

12.17.04:::jingle bells batman smells:::

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My tree!!!

Okay okay okay. So I didn't update the site. I've been preoccupied... no evenings sitting in front of my computer. I've been wrapping presents, making presents, buying presents, going broke in the meantime, spending time with Rocky, getting super excited about Christmas, working, still being sick, and uh... sleeping some. Even with the sick I've had a good few weeks. Only one more week until Christmas! Woohoo. It's going to be quite small... just my sisters family, mom, and grandma, but still fun! Who knows what we'll do. Probably sleep (knowing me). I always wake up, open presents, eat some breakfast, sleep, eat some lunch, watch a movie, sleep... wake up... do something else, sleep again. Fun times on Christmas day. I blame it on the excitement... or something.
Okay - Rocky's made me some soup (I felt blah tonight) so I'm off to eat and watch Christmas story or the 11th episode of Dead Like Me (don't know which one yet).

Nini.

12.15.04:::slap my wrists:::

Geez, I need to update this thing tonight.  I promise promise promise that I'll try my best to get to that.  I have pictures and EVERYTHING.
Just wanted to let you guys know that I'm not dead.
I deleted Chapter One... it was sucking the space from my site and I want to keep this updated with pictures and since I'm so cheap I refuse to pay for more space.  So, Chapter One went to blog heaven (but not before I printed it off for the future when I might want to be reminded of ex boyfriends or happy times that are no more or unhappy times that are CERTAINLY no more or anything else... nostalgia I suppose). 
So - tonight if I'm not too lazy I'll update this... pictures and all... and perhaps a recipe for Zucchini bread that is soooo tasty.
Stay tuned.

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